dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
