I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
