This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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