He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
