he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
