last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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