Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
