my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
