So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
