wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
