Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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