i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
