i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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