I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
