I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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