Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
