her facebook's as public as her vagina
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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