you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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