i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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