lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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