just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
