Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
