between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Damn victory sex feels great
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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