I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
