I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
