first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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