That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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