I need to stop coming to work sober
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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