I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
