You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
