God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
