I wish my penis had an off switch
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
