I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
