just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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