So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
