Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dignity is for republicans.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
