thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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