i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
