i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Panties = found
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