You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Boobs speak an international language.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
