I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
