ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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