Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
