While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
