she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
