You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
