and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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