I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
