He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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