Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
