So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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